Friday, April 1, 2011

diverted


she’s high
on too much
coffee
too many
cigarettes
and no sleep

hands hard-wired
to the steering
wheel, she
accelerates
rounds
the mountain
curve

wonders
what if
she took
the metal barrier
with her

highway signs
promise:

Hot
Boiled
Peanuts
Now

she brakes
scatters
roadside
gravel

buys peanuts
sucks hard
on wet shells

her grief

© Ami Mattison


For G-Man's Flash Friday 55

Photo courtesy of Natalie Maynor
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18 comments:

  1. Brian MillerApril 1, 2011 at 6:37 AM

    hmmm...i get it...think you could have used a few more words to solidify this one...kinda glad the sign was there, perhaps a second chance to think that grief through and see if it really is worth leaving over...

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  2. Brian MillerApril 1, 2011 at 6:37 AM

    excited to see where this month takes us!

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  3. hedgewitchApril 1, 2011 at 10:15 AM

    Starting the month off with a twisty one. I like it, hinting around a bit, leaving things not too explicit gives the reader some latitude to play with the images--the peanuts, especially, keep the feeling edgy with their local, unusual, sodden characteristics.

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  4. gautami tripathyApril 1, 2011 at 12:01 PM

    I like minimalist. It works for me!

    sliding through the gaps

    ReplyDelete
  5. BubbaApril 1, 2011 at 12:21 PM

    Grief can be the hardest nut to crack.

    Another dandy, Ami!

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  6. Monkey ManApril 1, 2011 at 12:38 PM

    Leaving much to the imagination here. I like that.

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  7. Linda Bob Grifins Korbetis HallApril 1, 2011 at 1:32 PM

    grief keeps her high
    and sleepless
    regardless how hard she might try...

    superb wording, love your 55 a great deal.
    :)

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  8. AnonymousApril 1, 2011 at 2:30 PM

    this one spoke to me...I was back driving in CO crashing hard with your first stanza...nicely done..

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  9. patriciacaspersApril 1, 2011 at 2:45 PM

    Ooh, I love those wet shells, the hard wired hands, and the metal barrier. Excellent kick off!

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  10. Maude LynnApril 1, 2011 at 4:40 PM

    This grabbed me by the heart. Excellent.

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  11. KBApril 1, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    You express so much in just 55 words. Nice job.

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  12. FireblossomApril 1, 2011 at 8:13 PM

    So does equating her grief with peanuts mean that it is common, cheap, easily gotten, all the things I am so often described as? ;-)

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  13. G-ManApril 1, 2011 at 8:32 PM

    I've had Hot Boiled Peanuts several times.
    Every Time they SUCKED!
    Loved your 55 Ami...
    It was Perfect!!
    Thanks for playing, and have a Kick Ass Week-End

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  14. Pheromone GirlApril 1, 2011 at 11:28 PM

    OK, I feel left out, over here on the west coast. Boiled peanuts?

    Alas, the story behind it is sad and melancholy and just plain fun. Nicely done!

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  15. AnonymousApril 2, 2011 at 4:34 AM

    Filled with emotion, but not too explicit - I love it!

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  16. cynthia frenchApril 2, 2011 at 8:06 AM

    There are so many good things in here - however I'd get rid of "now" and the last line completely. The last line is spelling it out too much for me. I'm also bugged a tad by the repeat of the word "peanut" so close together, but I don't know if that can be fixed - it's like there needs to be just a smidge more between those stanzas.

    I also like the idea of changing the first two stanzas around:

    hands hard-wired
    to the steering
    wheel, she
    accelerates
    rounds
    the mountain
    curve

    high
    on coffee
    too many
    cigarettes
    and no sleep

    just some thoughts - for a really strong piece. I have never eaten boiled peanuts before - but the image of the shells has so much texture and grit, I love it!

    Thanks for inviting me over to read your poems!

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  17. Kathleen OverbyApril 2, 2011 at 10:36 AM

    The last line is GORILLA GLUE! Hello?

    ReplyDelete
  18. kelliApril 2, 2011 at 7:13 PM

    Hmm boiled peanuts. Haven't had those in a while. I like how you bring the speed of her driving to a halt just because of peanuts.

    ReplyDelete

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